Saturday, November 24, 2012

Exercise 10



A country landscape lost 

Slightly burnt, the grass so green,
dewey with sunshine, subtle with rain,
shimmers in the pasture with a faraway gold.
So little to lose they say but so much to gain 
from the miniature forest awake in the rein
of twenty old horses roaming the land.
A brittle old farmhouse stands its ground;
paint chipped, its life ceasing to exist,
but the rust colored bird sits on the roof
singing a song so sweet, so uncouth;
a lullaby for the ancient wood creaking floors
sing the land to sleep, sweet bird.
The farmers are losing their will to survive;
hold on, hold on, to the riveting rhymes
of the solemn river holding your hand
across the acrobatic bridge and into Fall.
We’ll dance as the summer evenings slide
beyond our imperfect little countryside.
So dance, dance until the morning;
we will do away with all this sorrow.
Holding hands - tight - until tomorrow
when the leaves will fall and we will crawl
into the sparkling city standing tall. 

critique 10

That Night

The picture hangs on the beige wall
edges fraying
aging with time

no longer a clear memory
but foggy and far
a recent goodbye

we are laughing with anxious smiles
young and restless
happy and denied

wearing red dresses as we spin into the night
calm but ecstatic
as music glides

hanging onto our adolescent times
we dance away
avoiding goodbye

as we go back home, ears ringing, faces tingling
it's nonstop chatter
competitive smiles

and now the only reason to remember that night
is one photograph
hanging through time

Exercise 9

Replacement poem

Picnic

She understands the person sitting in the little meadow,
the sparkling legs thinner than the other girl,
the sunlight, true sunlight- her gaze is over.
Presently, the hands will become far in thoughts
of her adoration and countless exaggerations.
Presently the new country will stroll with an unhappy twist
in and beyond the lovely statues.
Presently the walkway will discover the windows
and the overjoyed pedestrians will close their picnic baskets.
Presently the park will open its luscious grounds
and keep, for the forbidden lovers, close to the people
lacking restraint.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Critique 9

The Colonel by Carolyn Forche was an interesting piece of writing.  It is very hard to distinguish it as a prose poem because it looks like a short story.  Personally, I can't help but think of it as a story.  I think it reads more as a story, due to its paragraph form and normal looking sentences.  It does have a more poetic sound towards the end, but not really overall.  I did enjoy this the story within this poem, though it was not what I expected.  The imagery of the human ears was somewhat vulgar, but it did add intrigue to the story.  There is a lot of simple imagery, yet I could clearly picture the scene.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Exercise 8


Forest 

Save yourself instead of standing
along the river’s edge,
smelling rotten berries - crimson red.
Hold a thought within those weakened lungs;
nature’s air is too strong to bear your feeble 
weight and all that stands beside.
Beside your mitten covered hands
that freeze- they shiver in the moon’s light;
so strong, so translucent, so ennobled
By the giant canopy of blackness above.
The light, it shines revealing shock and despair
that sits on your sunken shoulder like a crime.
Caught red-handed; don’t look so blue.
The night will hide that shameful look
that illuminates your frost-bitten face.
No longer a crook of the evening’s glare,
stand up, stand up;
delight in all those fervent treasures 
that catch one’s eye in earth’s own heaven.
Puncture the ground as you lie back down
where you belong, on the ground.
Don’t come back to the forest’s lair;
it’s too dark for your lightened heart to bear.
The sunlight calls your name for days
so stay away, stay away. 

Critique 8


The Female Body by Margaret Atwood is a very unique piece of writing.  Made up of six parts, it lists different things about a woman and her body.  It remains general, thought the narrator is in first person.  Atwood uses many lists; for instance, the third paragraph consists of a list of accessories of the female body.  She relates the female body to a barbie doll, which basically objectives it.  I am not sure what the author is trying to convey in this piece of creative nonfiction.  Perhaps she is showing how the world objectives the female body.  

Exercise 7


(Exercise from “Her Lips are a Copper Wire”)

Concrete Kiss

The clouds don’t move around us
creating a perfectly still- moment
where dusty trees softly sway
to Moonlight’s incandescent glare 

Yellow lights intrude the place
shining streaks upon your face.
The remnants of construction lie 
behind silver lines- dulled and denied

No noise, no noise, but human chatter,
faces that fill my life with laughter.
No more, no more, tonight is born
It’s you and me, there is no more. 

Engines of cars spreading lies
Bringing calm to its quick demise
Revving up the foggy air - between 
My concrete lips and your brick smile

The parking garage light flickers,
a sign perhaps- from nature’s law 
The background noise no longer alarms
now it’s urgent - calling, calling 

My marble heart reaches for yours
Bring me in - compromise. 
My cellphone light reflects
gold specs in your glowing eyes
Bodies moving, denying time, 
Closer, closer, until stone met brick,
And that is how our lips caved in 

Critique 6


The poem A Story about the Body by Robert Hass does not appear as a typical poem.  Hass wrote the poem in the form of a paragraph; without reading the genre was poetry I would have guessed it to be fiction.  My favorite thing about this piece of writing is how much the author was able to convey in such a short paragraph.  It’s basically a love story gone wrong, and the reader can easily sympathize with either of the characters. In the first sentence, the rising action catches the reader’s attention by displaying important details.  The next sentence, “She was Japanese, a painter, almost sixty, and he thought he was in love with her,” creates a problem.  The reader knows the woman is older than the young composer and that he was in love, or felt in love with this woman.  The only dialogue appears at the climax of the story, when the woman tells him she had a double mastectomy, and then he admits he cannot be with her because of this.  The author emphasizes this important part of the story by making it a direct dialogue between the two characters.  

Exercise 6


My lines from “I Live Where the Leaves are Pointed”

The life-filled vines beckon out to me.
But the coldness and hostile machinery
Interrupt the spellbound mood of the meadow.  
The air is much smoother out there,
It’s just me and the subtle breeze saying hello.
Answer, answer, I can live without one,
The ruffling grass and translucent sun will do.
Not that someone who could certainly cure me, 
so prim, so proper, like the newest rosebush.
Reminding me of the rigidness he put me through
But, no I wouldn’t really have the nerve to cut him off. 
While I hide from his beck and call, refusing to fall.