Critique 7: One Art

It is harder to critique a work of writing when you read the first draft and then the final.  The first draft of the poem One Art by Elizabeth Bishop shows many differences from the final.  It almost becomes an entirely different piece by the end of her revision.  The first draft is more scientific and less poetic.  She puts the words “misplaced” or “mislay” in quotes, probably because she knew she had to change them eventually.  The final draft is much smoother.  Its lines are more even, and the language is consistent.  Her repetition of the line “The art of losing isn’t hard to master” really brings the poem together.  

A poem based on One Art: 

Lost

The art of losing isn’t hard to master

It creeps up and brings on disaster

cunning, cunning, clever thing

what have you misplaced today?

You lost your heart, for one

and perhaps the function of an ear   

for listening no longer 

are you and your lost patience, my dear  

What I have lost today?

Your agreement and concentration

on the matter of misplacement 

For the art of losing isn’t hard to master

Take in the seas, the land, and the rivers

They’re here today but gone tomorrow 

For your vision is cloudy and hazy so

Only I can decide what to loose 

And at this moment 

That is you 

Exercise 5: Pantoum

Pantoum from "Nude Interrogation" and "Good Morning, America"

The skyscrapers throw their lengths of walls

sandlewood incense hangs a slow comet of perfume over the room

In the evening there is sunset sonata to the cities

The night was too big

Sandlewood incense hangs a slow comet of perfume over the room

There is a march of little armies to the dwindling of drums 

The night was too big 

I don’t want to look at the floor 

There is a march of little armies to the dwindling of drums 

Have you killed anyone before?

I don’t want to look at the floor

or at black bastions on the red west

Have you killed anyone before?

I was scared of the silence

or of black bastion on the red west

Where the skyscrapers throw their lengths of walls 

Critique 5: Red Sky in the Morning

Critique 5

I enjoyed reading the creative nonfiction story Red Sky in the Morning by Patricia Hampl.  It was not typical nonfiction, in that it appeared as a fiction story.  If I had not read that it was a true story, I would have assumed it to be fiction until she strayed from the story with talk of memoirs.   Though her mention of memoirs seemed a bit random, she managed to give her opinions concerning them without preaching or boring the reader.  She says that we like first person narratives because, “we want a voice speaking softly, urgently, in our ear.” She touched upon the personal aspect of it and then went right back to the story.  I still see the memoir talk as a little out of place but I admire how she transitioned back to the story so quickly.  She uses meaningful imagery such as the “red morning” to connect to the passion and love of the farmer’s wife on the bus.  I also liked how she started and ended the story.  The beginning does not mess around; the first action is perhaps the most important.  Then, she ends the story with natural imagery that connects to the current actions in the story.  It obvious that the author has a lot to think about as she stares at the “slow river.”